Cheapskate dad chews out daughter for adding $20 to paltry tip behind his back: ‘The total came to $340’

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 25, 2024 8:00 PM EDT

It might be pretty much universally resented, but tipping culture is a cold, hard reality in the US. Servers make their livings on tips, there's no way around it. Sure, we'd all love to live in a world where everyone makes a living wage and the burden is shifted away from the consumer and onto the business owner… but that's not the world we live in. And this isn't one of those scenarios where you should "be the change you wish to see in the world." If you don't tip, or skimp on tips, you're not "sticking it to the man," you're just disrespecting your server. 

As someone who spent a good amount of time in the service industry, I know exactly what that feels like. So thank goodness for heroes like this generous person who swooped in to prevent a bad tipping situation. But little did she know, it would backfire in an interesting way. 

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  • 01
    FEDERAL RESERVE NOTEE THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA THIS ENDER FOR ALL PRIVATE 32510451 B WASHINGTON,D.C. 3 THE S 3 200 Sentry they 0451 ONE DOLLAR
    via Kenny Eliason
  • 02
    r/AmltheAsshole u/anjelrocker 8h • Partassipant [1] AITA for tipping a server behind my parents back.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 03
    I (36f) go out with my parents to eat (69m) (59f) every so often. (My brother and sister usually come with us and my sister's boyfriend) Sometimes, I pick up the tab and sometimes they do. My father has the mentality that if you are giving them a cash tip then it's okay to tip 10%. I am very much of a mind that if they do a good job it's 18% and do an amazing job it's 20%. Give or take.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 04
    Usually, I tip more behind their backs in cash or if I'm paying I will give them 15 and then my Dad gives them some cash. Well, my parents caught on to this. It was my birthday last night and the total came to like 340 dollars for 7 people including my partner. (This only happens once a year and last year I was out of the country) I also treat my parents on their birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, etc etc. So, it is transactional.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 05
    My Father was only tipping 40 dollars for a table of 7 where some of us are a little demanding. The restaurant also gave me a free dessert. I waited until they left the restaurant to tip another 20 dollars. (I should have given her more now that I think about it.)
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 06
    After I came out, my Father called me out and got upset that I tipped more money. I told him that some of us are not cheapskates. Well, obviously he got a knot in his face about me calling him that. But, come on... 40 bucks on 340 is a slap in the face especially in this economy and when she did a good job at taking care of us. I personally think wait staff should be paid a better wage but like, this is my way of helping others in the service industry because I've been there.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 07
    Playful-Tumbleweed 10 .7h Partassipant [2] NTA, of course... Anyone who has ever worked at a restaurant knows how mentally and physically demanding the work is. Unfortunately, in America, restaurant workers are compensated almost entirely by tips. Your dad's failure to recognize their efforts is his problem, not yours, and the fact that you recognize his error and compensate for it by tipping extra is a testament to your integrity. As long as he continues to shortchange restaurant staff, you sho
    via u/Playful-Tumbleweed10
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    anjelrocker OP. 7h Partassipant [1] My thoughts exactly, I have worked a few jobs in customer service over the years and like, I use to literally live on my tips for a long time. And this was before Covid and inflation.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 09
    Ok_Discount_7889. 6h NTAI was the server in this situation once. More than 10 years ago I waited on a large, demanding family, that took my attention away from other tables, and had tears in my eyes when I saw the tip they left me. Then one of the (young adult) kids came back and handed me some extra. It wasn't just the money (though as a college student that was definitely part of it), but the acknowledgement that I had done a good job. You did the right thing.
    via u/Ok_Discount_7889
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    Curious_Puffin • 7h Aficionado [15] Apart from calling your father a cheapskate, NTA. Waiting staff are underpaid, even ouside the US. Giving a better tip helps your waiter/waitress, and it's your money to do with as you please, so why not? It's none of your father's business, even if he paid the food bill. You tried to be discreet, and he made an issue of it.
    via u/Curious_Puffin
  • 11
    anjelrocker OP .7h Partassipant [1] Yeah, probably should have been nicer about calling him a cheapskate.
    via u/anjelrocker
  • 12
    Sad_daddington • 4h Nah, he had that coming after leaving a paltry tip AND THEN having the temerity to chastise you for upping that to a decent tip. If he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have left himself open to the cheapskate jab, which IMHO was perfectly justified. Typical tight-arsed boomer.
    via u/Sad_daddington
  • 13
    heykellyp .7h NTA - not sure if you're eating somewhere local or what your like in your community but where I live I have a reputation to uphold so I would do everything to make sure I am not labeled as a bad tipper
    via u/heykellyp
  • 14
    the_prim_jackalope • 6h NTA. I do this, too, in various situations. Be sneakier! It must be done! Thank you for your service.
    via u/the_prim_jackalope
  • 15
    Sufficient-Sense-565 6h Happy birthday! NTA -- I too have increased the tip when dining out with olds (note that I'm almost as old as your mom). Not sure why it is, but the whole 15%/18%/20% tip on the after-tax bill has passed by a generation that maybe didn't eat out as much (I'm talking folks over 80 now). You're doing the right thing by bumping it up & I bet your dad is just embarrassed.
    via u/Sufficient-Sense-565
  • 16
    ProfessionalEven296 • 6h NTA. I have family who are servers, so our standard is 20%; we know people who don't tip AT ALL, so we always hang back and make sure the servers are taken care of. but... "he got a knot in his face"; I'm using that! Great line! And also... many servers don't want a better salary; they make much more money from tips, if they're any good at their job.
    via u/ProfessionalEven296
  • 17
    buttpickles99 .7h Aficionado [13] NTA - tipping culture is out of control but we should still tip at certain places, such as full service restaurants (where you are waited on). He didn't like when you called him cheap, HE IS BEING CHEAP! times have changed! 10% is no longer acceptable. If you can't afford to eat out then don't. You are doing a good thing and he if does not like it he needs to tip appropriately.
    via u/buttpickles99
  • 18
    NTA ulterior motives69 • 5h Your dad "called you out" because he knew what he did was wrong and his ego is hurt because he's been thinking the servers are getting what they deserve... Which is pennies. And here you come ruining that for him! I've served jerks like him before.
    via u/ulterior_motives69

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family drama dads tips entitled parents tipping parenting food service service dad baby boomers boomers family reddit thread Reddit Parenting Fail parents service industry
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